Comments on: Getting past the Church’s gatekeepers. Who’s minding the store?

By: Michelle Hauser

Michelle Hauser — Sun, 01 Sep 2013 19:04:34 +0000

This is an excellent post on a phenomena that is common in the Anglican Church as well. Thank you for writing about it.

By: Tashema

Tashema — Tue, 23 Jul 2013 06:10:24 +0000

This really touched me in so many ways .
I love being Catholic but some Catholics just
Love to overstepped their boundaries they
Voice their opinion on things in the church that they shouldn’t
Or at the wrong place and time. And wonder why I keep my distance
And I’m never around.
And then when people don’t come to church anymore
They wonder why. I made the sign of the cross
W/ my left hand. And this lady came and
Approached me about doing that. And had
To let her know it is ok for me to do that.
Or the people that are more worried about
When your in church and what your doing
Instead of themselves. I’m like wow about
take inventory of self instead of me.
I get a lil frustrated but most of all I
pray… To fellow my Catholic stay
Blessed 🙂

By: Mary Ann Smaldone

Mary Ann Smaldone — Sat, 06 Jul 2013 20:16:51 +0000

LETTER TO THE EDITOR: CATHOLIC NEW YORK

As a Parish Secretary for over 20 years, I am dismayed after reading the article, “Becoming a Church of Open Doors” (CNY, June 27, by Mary DeTurris Poust).

It did not take me long after beginning the “front desk job” to realize that this was not going to be a job, but rather a Ministry for me.

I am appalled that Ms. Poust did not take the opportunity to commend the good works of the many dedicated Parish Secretaries. I know dozens of them just in my own County. It is unfortunate that some in this Ministry may consider it “just a job”. However, no matter how many disheartening stories Ms. Poust can relate to in her article, I can attest to many more where parishioners and visitors DO leave with a smile instead of “walking out the door and never looking back”.

With the help of the Holy Spirit, I have had the privilege to minister to the grieving, the scared, the embarrassed, the potential RCIA candidate, new parents. I could go on and on. I thank God for leading me to my Ministry and guiding me each and every day; and I thank my pastors throughout the years for encouraging me and trusting me in our work together for the good of the whole Parish.

To Ms. Poust, I say, please do not ever tarnish any Ministry as a whole again by relating some bad experiences. You might want to think about writing another article. This time, relating stories of the good and caring work that the vast majority of Parish Secretaries accomplish in the course of their day.

To CNY, I say, I am extremely disappointed that you would allow the printing of such a one-sided article.

Mary Ann Smaldone
Parish Secretary
St. Denis Church
Hopewell Jct., NY

By: Jean Stokes

Jean Stokes — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 23:37:37 +0000

In reply to Mary DeTurris Poust.

Thanks, Mary, for your reply and for pointing me to your column on the thoughtful comments by Pope Francis. I like that guy. I hope his attitude seeps down to us all. I have watched news clips of him greeting his flock and am delighted by his joy and openness. He wouldn’t be one of those priests who do not use the opportunities at baptisms, weddings and funerals to convey to those attending what is special about Catholicism. He wouldn’t have a canned response to a heartfelt inquiry. I’m hoping he wouldn’t even opt for the special “priests’ only dinner” after a Confirmation or parish celebration. Maybe his example will bring some of the offended sheep back to the fold.

Thanks for writing your thoughts and for caring.

By: Mary DeTurris Poust

Mary DeTurris Poust — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 22:24:22 +0000

In reply to Jean Stokes.

Dear Jean,

Thanks for commenting. Actually, I took the pastors to task in an earlier post sparked by another of Pope Francis’ homilies. I agree: Often the harshness or rules-over-heart attitude is coming from the top, and it’s up to the bishop or pastor to set the tone in a diocese or parish. But that doesn’t excuse people at the front desk — regardless of title — from treating people who are desperate for spiritual connection or information so flippantly or callously. I have received at least a dozen private emails (prompted by my column) from people who have been mistreated by the person at the front desk of a parish, and many of them never returned. That’s a terrible — and unnecessary — loss for us. But I wholeheartedly agree that pastors bear blame as well. I had already addressed that so I wasn’t really going back to that again in this column. Here’s the link to the other post I mentioned: https://notstrictlyspiritual.com/2013/03/where-are-the-shepherds-willing-to-live-with-the-smell-of-the-sheep/

Thanks again for taking the time to write. I really do appreciate your comment and interest.
Peace,
Mary

By: Jean Stokes

Jean Stokes — Sun, 23 Jun 2013 18:20:40 +0000

After reading this article in “The Catholic Spirit” and finding it online along with the comments, I am chagrined that no one is contesting your basic premise–that it is the “secretary” that determines the parish practices and who is ultimately accountable for these unfriendly parish interactions. In practice though, just like on the corporate level, those in administrative positions most likely are only carrying out their director’s decrees.

While I think that most church office personnel are overworked and undervalued, those that serve as greeters and listeners are, for the most part, very intuitive and diplomatic. But they are the channels for information–not the foundation of the parish. (But even Pope Francis faults the secretary in his homily advising a more welcoming outlook in the parish.) Once again, the woes of the church are dumped on the women.

Your article is correct in its assumption that many are repelled by their less-than-positive interactions in the Catholic sphere but this issue that could be better served by addressing the clerics who have inflated opinions of their own importance and less than courteous attitudes toward just regular folks.

By: Mary DeTurris Poust

Mary DeTurris Poust — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 12:54:39 +0000

In reply to Renee Schafer Horton. It makes me so sad to hear all these stories. I know too many people within my own family who have experienced this sort of thing. I can't count all the friends. And we wonder why people are leaving or don't come back.

By: Renee Schafer Horton

Renee Schafer Horton — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 03:02:42 +0000

Who is minding the store? The same people who always have – and I’m sorry for that. My husband will never go back to confession b/c when he did, after more than 20 years of NOT going, the priest asked how long he’d been gone and was told “a couple decades” and the priest said, “Well, that’s the first thing we have to fix.” That’s all my husband heard and came out and told me he’ll never go back. So many other stories I could tell, but they are heartbreaking and it is depressing. As I once said to a priest, “I can’t keep saving these people myself! You need to shut up and welcome them.” It just doesn’t happen…. Great piece.

By: Trish Ranney

Trish Ranney — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 02:10:35 +0000

Until I became a parisoner with the Immaculate Conception, I found myself repeatedly receiving subtle messages that I was particularly welcome in the Church after having been away from it since I was around 12 years old — more than 40 years ago. Every time I tried to come back, there was always something negative that happened that indiated to me that I was one lost sheep who could just continue wandering without a home. Fran, your kind words, which began with a simple response to an e-mail of mine, was the first VERY positive I had received. And it was sincere. The difference between you (and Father Jerry) from so many of the others in the Church that I had encountered over the years was that you weren’t “in this” because it’s just a job that you do or beccause it felt right for you — without thinking about your impact on the people with whom you would interact every day.
I always try to remember that everybody has a bad day, but there are some jobs when a person’s bad day can have a life-altering impact on someone else. And when someone is going to you, asking for your help, there is no worse response than one that basically sends you in another direction. The Church should be a place where you feel welcome — and understood. And when “God’s representatives” fail, hopefully, they can at least be sufficiently reflective to realize that perhaps they might have said something wrong and remedy it. Few people are unwilling to forgive something like that. But, I really think that there are too many people out there who really don’t care — and they are in professions that are supposed to care about people. Hospitals and nursing homes are great places to visit for anyone who doesn’t believe that.
I’ve become accustomed to the secular world not really caring about people; it’s the bottom line that always seems to take priority, regardless of all those speeches we get about companies being family-oriented or client-focused or –oh, and this is a red flag! — TEAM-based!! I’ve yet to see any of it be true. It might be true for the people at the very top — but, not for the majority who are able to provide them with all of those wonderful things that they say they believe in. My father always used to tell me to look out for A-#1, because no one would do it for you. He started telling me this when I was a little girl. I started out bright-eyed and hopeful like most young people. But, as the years progressed, I found that he was 100% right. How sad. It explained a lot about his life and the bitterness of the world in general — a world that now seems to grab at things in order to find that happiness that so evades them everywhere else.
But, personally, I found nothing as devastating as finding myself having to beg a priest — on more than one occasion — to help people who were dying — and they simply weren’t there — no time, “rules” about not giving someone last rites (as I still call them) more than once every 6 months (!!), lying about having actually given someone last rites when the priest never even showed up at the hospital (I know because I was there during the time period that he supposedly came)… These events bothered me more than anything, because I felt like I was fighting for someone else’s soul, and I felt like no one was listening. Ultimately, in these scenarios, last rites were provided — but, I should never have had to beg and plead (and one priest actually yelled at me when he showed up!).
There have always been years between the negative events I experienced before I tried one more time and found what I am now fortunate to have. I don’t expect people in the Church to throw a party for someone who wants to return (or convert), but a simple smile and words of kindness can make all the difference in the world. Having been there, I can say that it’s a terrible feeling to believe that the Church doesn’t want you. My heart really goes out to other people who know this feeling. To be alienated from what you were born into is so insulting; and to have representatives of the Church, whether they be religious or laypeople, make you think that joining the Church is the same as joining a country club, is clearly disgraceful.
I could go on and on about this, but I guess my point is that I’m another one of those people who has stories to tell. But I’m glad I found my way just the same!

By: Fran Rossi Szpylczyn

Fran Rossi Szpylczyn — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 23:33:34 +0000

In reply to Chris Vogelsang. I am so sorry that this happened to you. It breaks my heart.