We live in a goal-oriented society, and in this case, Christmas is the end zone we’re running toward at breakneck speed, hardly looking at what’s going on along the sidelines. But Advent beckons us to stop the madness, to stop the running, to focus on the journey as much as the destination. Advent offers us serenity amid the insanity, with its beautiful interplay of darkness and light, its Scriptural focus not only on the coming of the Christ child but on the second coming of Jesus, and with its quiet but constant insistence that we prepare — not just for a day but for a lifetime, and the next life one.

How do we translate those transcendent ideas into everyday practices? Here are five easy ways to slow down and savor the season:

1. Create rituals. Simple daily rituals can serve as spiritual anchors whenever the secular version of the holiday season begins to suck you in and stress you out. These rituals can be as elaborate or as easy as you choose to make them. If fashioning a Jesse tree out of branches and homemade ornaments depicting scenes from Scripture will make you more stressed, find something simpler, perhaps a traditional paper Advent calendar with little doors that reveal the signs and symbols of the season. And there’s always the Advent wreath, a peaceful, prayerful way to mark the days leading up to Christmas. The glow of its candles, increasing with each week, serves as a visible reminder of the light that comes into our world at Christmas and overcomes the darkness for all time.

2. Practice patience. Advent is about waiting, a concept that’s becoming increasingly unpopular in our world of instant gratification and constant connectedness. We want what we want and we want it now. Advent reminds us that waiting can be a good thing, a time to prepare ourselves, a time to rediscover what’s important, a time to serve those who are not as fortunate. When you are waiting in an endless line at the mall or circling a parking lot fighting for a space, try to be intentional about the way you approach and accept the situation. What if you pray for the woman who just stole your spot? What if you smile at the man who runs back to grab an extra item off the rack while you stand in the check-out line gritting your teeth?

3. Seek out silence. Here’s another challenge for those of us used to the constant buzz of the world around us, whether it’s the TV at home, the radio in the car or the Muzak at the mall. We don’t like silence. It makes us uncomfortable. It feels unproductive. Shouldn’t we be doing something during this quiet time? Not necessarily. Take just five minutes each day to sit in silence. Turn off cell phones, TVs, computer bells and whistles, anything that will distract you, and just be. Chances are that after only one week of daily silence, you’ll be a lot better at #2 on this list. Silence breeds interior peace and exterior calm. Try it and see how five minutes a day can change your Christmas season and your life.

4. Rethink gift-giving. Advertisers tell us we need stuff, lots of stuff to be happy, and our loved ones need lots of stuff, too, preferably wrapped in shiny paper and bows. Before you know it, the shopping and spending and running and wrapping has us wishing the Christmas would just get here already and be over and done. Take back the gift-giving part of this season. Tell family and friends to cut back on the gifts they plan to give you and yours. Give from the heart rather than the wallet. Instead of a gift card, find some one-of-a-kind gift that will surprise and satisfy — if it’s locally made, even better. Rather than an extra video game or doll, give a child a “date” with mom or dad, a special day where they get to go somewhere or do something with a parent without distractions like Facebook or work phone calls or TV. Even gift cards can become heartfelt when done right, say with an offer to tag along on the shopping spree and buy lunch for the two of you.

5. Start close to home. You can’t change the culture, but you can change the way you participate in it. Rather than scold society for the ways it doesn’t live up to the spiritual aspects of this holiday season, do what you can to refocus on Jesus and the Advent journey within your own four walls among your own family. Light a candle and pray before dinner each night. Express gratitude to and for each other. Give your loved ones the gift of your time and your presence. Find a charity that could use some help, whether it’s through donations or volunteer hours. Begin to set your own life to a sacred rhythm, and before you know it people around you will want a piece of what you’ve found. That’s how the culture changes: one heart, one home at a time.

This column originally appeared on the HuffPost religion page on Dec. 2, 2014.

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This is no time for a child to be born,
With the earth betrayed by war & hate
And a comet slashing the sky to warn
That time runs out & the sun burns late.

That was no time for a child to be born,
In a land in the crushing grip of Rome;
Honour & truth were trampled by scorn —
Yet here did the Saviour make his home.

When is the time for love to be born?
The inn is full on the planet earth,
And by a comet the sky is torn —
Yet Love still takes the risk of birth.

Photo by Justin Wolff on Unsplash

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Although I have not written a new book of Advent reflections for this year (I’m currently editing the book I wrote for Advent 2022, so stay tuned for that!), I did write a series of Advent reflections for the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. You can find the first one posted today:

We stand on the threshold of the Advent season, called to practice the pause, to savor the waiting, to patiently take this season day by day, step by step, even as the rest of the world races toward the finish line, tinsel and gift wrap trailing behind like a holiday parade float. This is a season that calls us to rest in the tension between darkness and light, between birth and death, between what is and what will be. It’s not easy, but if we are willing to venture onto this road less traveled, what we will find is the peace we have been seeking, the beauty of a world unseen, the joy that comes not from exterior trappings but from interior wisdom built around the One who is and was and is to come. As we begin our journey, plunged into the darkness of the physical world around us, can we set our lives to a slower cadence, a sacred rhythm… continue reading HERE.

If you’re looking for more inspiration this Advent, check out the free, on-demand TV show about Jesus’ life: The Chosen. I’ve written about that in this space before. If you missed it, you can find that original column HERE. Trust me, this is a show that will definitely deepen your Advent practices and help prepare you for Christmas. But that’s not all. The creators of The Chosen have released a short Christmas movie and concert that will be playing in select theaters this season. I was able to get a sneak peek before release, and it’s definitely worth your time. The music is beautiful, the Scripture reflections are thought-provoking, and the story of Jesus’ birth is everything you want it to be and then some. HERE is a website that will help you find information about any and all news related to The Chosen. THIS LINK will take you straight to the Christmas movie page.

I found two other digital Advent devotionals that are worth a look. I have not had a chance to dive deep into either of these, but they look wonderful so I’ll share here and hope for the best. The first is a FREE Advent devotional by Kate Bowler, author of No Cure for Being Human, which you should read if you haven’t already. Fantastic book. But I digress… If you head to Kate’s website, you can sign up for her free Advent devotional, which also includes recipes and lovely graphics. Check it out.

If you are a Mary Oliver fan, you might like The Poetry of Advent, available in digital format for $10 from SALT. You can find the link to that HERE.

Finally, I put together an Advent playlist for my day job at the Diocese of Albany, but I kept the original copy on my own Spotify channel, so if you’d like to give that a listen, you can find that playlist below:

Photo by Laura Nyhuis on Unsplash

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Soundtrack: I’m toggling between a few things: Advent at Ephesus by the Benedictines of Mary. Gorgeous! The playlists I create for my yoga classes, which you can find on my Spotify. And yet another new Taylor Swift album, Evermore. And, of course, the occasional Christmas carols. Lots of good music going on over here.

Bookshelf: As it turns out, I’m toggling over in the the book department as well. On my nightstand in hard copy format is The Long Loneliness by Dorothy Day, which I have started multiple times and am now finally getting around to reading fully. Powerful. When I’m in my car I’m listening to Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty on Audible. Loving this one so much I’ll probably buy the hard copy as well. Lots of helpful tips for prioritizing our lives and living more fully.

Menu: It’s been a carb-heavy season so far, much to the chagrin of my waistband. Homemade pizza last night, pasta and meatballs the night before. Mexican ordered from Los Panchos in Delmar — delish! That’s become a pandemic favorite. It’s among some of the local restaurants we had never visited or ordered from until COVID hit. La Empanada Llama is another new favorite for orders in. If you’re local, give them a try!

Viewfinder: Since I’m teaching so much yoga these days, lots of photos of Jai Yoga School or home yoga practice make their way into my feed. In addition, I’m doing an Instagram series on Christmas ornaments we pick up whenever we travel. Ornaments on location. Here are a couple of images from both series. And, if you don’t already follow me on Instagram, you’ll find me @MaryDTP518.

Datebook: In addition to working from home most days with visits to my “real” office once or twice a week, I am teaching at Jai two times per week, sometimes more if I’m subbing, as has been the case the past two weeks. You can find me in-studio or online for Gentle Yoga on Sundays at 11:!5 a.m. and for Invigorating Gentle on Mondays at 6 p.m. Today (Dec. 14) I also happen to be teaching Detox Yoga at 4:30 p.m. If you’d like to join me in-person or online, register at Jai Yoga School.

GPS: Not a lot of traveling these days. Most days my car doesn’t leave the garage. It pretty much drives to Jai Yoga School and back. That’s about it. We didn’t travel for Thanksgiving and we won’t be traveling for Christmas, because COVID. Stay home, stay safe, wear your mask when you’re out. This has been a Public Service Announcement.

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As we move through the next few weeks toward the Christmas celebration that will be the pinnacle of our preparations—the prayers said, the presents wrapped, the homes decorated— we are being given a rare opportunity to stay put, slow down, simplify and find hope even amid the challenges thrown in our path every day. It’s not something that can happen without our willing participation, however. We have to commit to it, to seek out beauty right where we are, to soak in the moments of awe in the ordinary, to name the gifts in our midst in an intentional way. And, when we find ourselves losing hope, to return to prayer and begin again. We can always begin again.

I say all of this not as an expert but as a companion on the journey. Trust me, I don’t have this down pat. Far from it. But I know from experience that something shifts when I commit to intentional living and gratitude for what is rather than focus on what I think should be. My heart softens, my breathing slows, my nerves settle and suddenly there is beauty all around me.

So, where do we begin? With gratitude. Not just in our heads or in silent prayer, but in concrete ways—in a notebook, on your phone, on slips of paper collected in a glass jar. It’s so simple it seems insignificant, maybe even silly. How can this shift anything? It can and it will. Just begin. Every day write down three things for which you are grateful. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. In fact, the more simple and ordinary, the better. I was driving to work one day and spied two bright pink Adirondack chairs on the second story balcony of a little gray house. The pop of color in my dreary day made me smile. Later that night, I wrote it in my journal. Crescent moons, raindrops on the roof, an old man walking his dog, the smell of soup simmering on the stove—it’s all fodder for joy. It begins with noticing and giving thanks for the everyday miracles. Of course, you’ll want to include the big things too—the good diagnosis, the job found, the children safe. Big and small, begin to keep count.

The 13th-century German mystic Meister Eckhart once said, “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is, ‘Thank you,’ it will be enough.” Gratitude in any form is prayer, and that is a great beginning, but we need to go further. Look at your prayer practices. Where can you add to it this season? An Advent wreath on the kitchen table for mealtime prayers, perhaps? A Bible beside your bed for morning or evening reflection? A small sacred space near your favorite chair for moments of silent prayer in the presence of God?

This Advent, commit to the spiritual self-care that will not only soothe your soul during these difficult days but will transform your life from the inside out. Little by little, you’ll find that the outside world, with its bad news and daily threats, can’t shake the quiet joy that lives in your heart. The secular world has never really understood Advent, which is such a loss, because now more than ever our world needs the joyful hope that comes from being willing to wait, to watch, to find the miracle hidden in plain sight, no overnight shipping or gift wrap required.

This column originally appeared in the December 2, 2020, issue of Catholic New York.

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

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Here’s the description from the back of the book:

Prepare spiritually for the coming of Christ with this popular, easy-to-use annual guide. During the especially busy Advent and Christmas seasons, this book offers brief, down-to-earth reflections that bring prayer and Scripture into everyday life in a thought-provoking and lasting way. Through Mary DeTurris Poust’s insightful reflections on Scripture readings from the daily Mass, readers will grow in their understanding of the word of God. This book will help busy people achieve their goal of enriching their personal prayer life during the seasons of Advent and Christmas.

Thank you to the folks at Liturgical Press for inviting me back for another round after writing the Lent 2016 booklet. For those who like to plan for liturgical seasons years in advance, I’m also on tap to write the Lenten book of reflections for 2019.

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This is a season that asks us to be patient, to bask in the waiting even as the rest of the world rushes us to deck the halls and play Christmas music. This is a season that asks us to hold things in tension—birth and death, Christ’s arrival in a manger and Christ’s second coming—even as the rest of the world urges us to focus on buying gifts and accumulating things.

The Advent wreath serves as a visible sign of God’s impending arrival, a growing glow and sense of anticipation as we prepare to celebrate again, as if for the first time, God’s willingness to break into our world and live among us as one of us. Light beyond all bounds. Light that never goes out. Light that burns within each one of us.

Each time you light the candles on your Advent wreath this season—day by day, week by week—may it be a reminder to step outside the frenetic pace of the world and set your life to a slower rhythm, a sacred cadence that gives you room to breathe in God’s goodness, to revel in the waiting, to look into the darkness all around you and find the Light that can never be extinguished.

You can get a monthly subscription to Give Us This Day by clicking HERE. Why not get one for a friend or family member this Christmas?

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Yesterday I talked with John Harper of the Morning Air Show on Relevant Radio about celebrating Advent with children, young and old. You can listen to that short conversation at the link below. Just advance to the 31:50-minute mark. I hope your Advent is off to a peaceful start, even if your rituals inspire household riots.

Here’s the link to the interview:

http://relevantradio.streamguys.us/MA%20Archive/MA20161129c.mp3

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Peace, joy, blessings, and love to you and yours on Christmas!

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When we delivered our gifts to the parish’s school gym for distribution last weekend, Olivia and I asked Barbara, the woman in charge, about the remaining tags on the tree. What would happen to those gifts, we asked. They won’t get bought, she said. Some were general asks, such as “Women’s pajamas. Large,” meaning the organization didn’t have a specific person in mind but knew it would be used for one of the many people served. Others, however, had first names. Pel wanted a warm black jacket. Evie wanted a porcelain doll. Olivia and I looked at each other and grabbed those two tags, and we set out to find the doll. I headed straight for Tuesday Morning in Glenmont because it seemed to me that inexpensive porcelain dolls should be Tuesday Morning’s wheelhouse. Wrong. The closest we came was a truly frightening porcelain cat in a Santa suit. To which I could only say, Why?

So I put out a call on Facebook, asking if any local friends knew where I could buy a fairly inexpensive porcelain doll. In response, I received two, count ’em, two messages from friends (Thank you, Jennifer and Arlene.) saying that they had porcelain dolls in excellent condition and would be willing to donate them. When I delivered the first doll to the parish, they asked if the second would be coming because they already had someone in mind. And so Evie is getting her Christmas wish answered, and now someone else, perhaps a woman who isn’t expecting to get anything at all, will also get a porcelain doll.

As I thought about writing this post as a thank you to my friends, I couldn’t help but reflect on the many times people — far, near, virtual — have stepped up to help, sometimes without my even asking — and have made my life so much better, easier, happier. Like last night, when Chiara’s religion teacher (Thank you, Michele.) stopped by to deliver her little Christmas gift and faith formation handouts because Chiara missed class yesterday. Or when we went to Italy, and I called on a whole army of local helpers to make sure my dad and stepmom didn’t have to cart three busy kids all over an unfamiliar town while we were gone for 13 days. To and from dance class and gymnastics class and Scout meetings and school clubs  they drove, sometimes more than once, so that Dennis and I could travel worry-free. Even friends I haven’t seen or spoken to in months called or emailed or pulled me aside on the way out of Sunday Mass to tell me to give my parents their cell phone numbers in case of emergency, or for any reason at all. I want to list them all, but I’m afraid I’ll miss someone — that’s how many people were involved. But I’ll give it a shot…

Thank you for being my extra set of feet, ears, eyes, car keys: Laura, Michele, Valerie, Joan K., Joan W., Lisa, Jessica, Rob, Rose, Fred, Delia, and Liv’s friend who transported her back and forth to Homecoming. And thank you to friends and neighbors who offered to be on call should the need for help arise, which, thankfully, it did not: Anne, Teresa, Denise, Arlene, and anyone I might have missed on this list but really hope I didn’t.

I am so grateful not only for your support and generosity when I was in Italy or when I was searching for a porcelain doll but always. So often many of you offer to drive one of my children somewhere to save me a trip or take one of my kids overnight or come to my rescue with some crazy item I need for school or travel or Giving Trees. Know that you are my village. And I am happy to be yours if ever, whenever you need me.

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