{"id":11936,"date":"2013-02-07T13:48:42","date_gmt":"2013-02-07T18:48:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/?p=11936"},"modified":"2022-09-29T13:54:26","modified_gmt":"2022-09-29T17:54:26","slug":"strength-through-surrender","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/strength-through-surrender\/","title":{"rendered":"Strength through Surrender"},"content":{"rendered":"

A reader asked me to repost this column from close to 10 years ago. After some searching of paper and digital files, I realized it has never been posted on this site. I’m guessing there may be more in this category, so I will begin the process of making sure all of my Life Lines columns are here before Catholic New York closes up shop and my archive disappears. Here’s the requested column on surrender: <\/em><\/p>\n

For the past few years I\u2019ve had a practice of choosing a word as a theme or touchstone for the months ahead, or, more accurately, allowing my word to choose me. Last year it was \u201clisten.\u201d Back then I was having a hard time imagining I\u2019d find even one word to define the coming months. This year, however, I\u2019ve found not just one but a whole series of words that have taken up residence in my heart and soul. It started a few months back and has been picking up steam.<\/p>\n

I had been doing some centering prayer one day and decided to focus on the word \u201ctruth\u201d whenever I felt my mind starting to wander. It came naturally. I was searching for truth in my own life, truth in my spiritual life, truth in general. Then a few days later, when I sat down in quiet prayer again, I noticed about halfway through that I wasn\u2019t coming back to the word truth, as I was \u201csupposed\u201d to but was instead hearing the word \u201ctrust\u201d in my heart.<\/p>\n

At first I thought I should change back to truth, but it seemed that if \u201ctrust\u201d was coming up of its own volition, I needed to pay attention. I have issues with trust. Not with trusting other people, but with trusting God. I spend a lot of time in fear\u2014fear of things that could happen to my children, fear of what might happen to me or Dennis, fear of financial stuff, health stuff, professional stuff, every kind of \u201cstuff\u201d you can imagine. And I expend lots of energy on fear, too much energy. So the idea that my heart would choose to give me the word \u201ctrust\u201d was really a no-brainer.<\/p>\n

For a while \u201ctrust\u201d seemed to be a keeper, the word that would see me through the days ahead, something I could turn toward whenever I felt myself falling into that place of doubt and fear. Then suddenly, just when I was getting comfortable with my word, I found myself being pushed beyond trust toward something scarier: surrender. I was internally shaking my head \u201cno\u201d at this prospect, but there it was at every turn.<\/p>\n

I kept showing up for yoga class and hearing my teacher tell me to surrender, surrender, surrender. I\u2019d open up a book or blog post and see it again. I\u2019m sorry but \u201csurrender\u201d is not in my mental vocabulary. Surrender means giving up. Surrender means weakness. Surrender means someone else is in control. Oh, wait. I get it.<\/p>\n

So this year I\u2019m allowing myself three words: truth, trust, surrender. I\u2019m already finding it to be a challenge of epic proportions as I receive emails from people who need prayers for children who\u2019ve been run over, burned, abused, and more, as I read stories of families devastated by losses of every kind and often the worst kind, as I recognize that \u201cthere but for the grace of God\u2026\u201d Fear would really like to declare itself champion and take over as reigning word.<\/p>\n

I wish I could go back to last year\u2019s word. Listening seems so much easier than surrendering, but this is where I am and, obviously, where I need to be. When I\u2019m on my yoga mat, I see it played out in physical ways\u2014I want to resist certain movements or avoid things I know I\u2019m not good at or things that will stretch me in ways I don\u2019t like. It gives me a clear picture of what needs to happen internally, where I\u2019m putting up just as much resistance to the spiritual and mental stuff that stretches me in uncomfortable ways.<\/p>\n

I feel like I\u2019m facing an uphill battle with this word, this idea, but surrender can\u2019t be a battle. It has to be a letting go, like falling backwards and knowing instinctively that Someone will catch me. \u201cIn my weakness, I am made strong.\u201d Am I willing to let that become my mantra, my prayer?<\/p>\n

This column originally appeared in the Feb. 7, 2013, issue<\/a> of Catholic New York.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader asked me to repost this column from close to 10 years ago. After some searching of paper and digital files, I realized it has never been posted on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":7388,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[121],"tags":[101,272,72,264],"class_list":["post-11936","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-lines","tag-life-lines","tag-surrender","tag-trust","tag-truth"],"yoast_head":"\nStrength through Surrender – NSS<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I've always avoided surrender. It seems weak. 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