{"id":131,"date":"2012-01-19T08:45:00","date_gmt":"2012-01-19T13:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/marydeturrispoust.com\/NSS\/2012\/01\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/"},"modified":"2022-11-01T15:38:13","modified_gmt":"2022-11-01T19:38:13","slug":"striving-to-become-your-true-self","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/","title":{"rendered":"Striving to become your ‘true self’"},"content":{"rendered":"

My latest Life Lines column in the current issue of Catholic New York<\/a>:<\/span><\/p>\n

It amazes me sometimes how a casual comment, a familiar smell or the sound of a name we haven\u2019t heard in a while can send us spiraling back in time to a place or event we\u2019d long ago forgotten. Memories linger on our hearts. Some we\u2019d like to preserve forever; some we wish would stay hidden. Good or bad, they are too often the things that shape us.<\/p>\n

I was at lunch with some friends recently, laughing and sharing stories, when one line, uttered in passing, hit me like a brick. I was suddenly on the playground in elementary school, feeling unwanted for reasons I never quite understood. As I had during those sometimes painful times of my past, I kept a dim smile on my face, hoping to hide the fact that I was aching inside, not because what was said was intentionally hurtful but because it spoke a truth I\u2019d rather not admit.<\/p>\n

We all want to be loved, even if we don\u2019t show it or say it. We want to feel accepted, appreciated, and while that sometimes seems important on the surface\u2014as evidenced by the popularity of accumulating Facebook friends by the hundreds\u2014that kind of goal only serves to take us farther and farther from our truth.<\/p>\n

Life is not a popularity contest, and the road to sainthood is not paved with compliments and friend requests. Trying to fashion ourselves in someone else\u2019s image is just about the worst thing we can do. It\u2019s really no different from what I tell my kids as they face their own struggles on the playground or in the classroom, and yet I think we adults sometimes forget that it still applies to us. Too often we think becoming successful or loved or holy means becoming someone different than the person we are at our core, the person we were created to be.<\/p>\n

Jesuit Father James Martin, in his book Becoming Who You Are<\/span><\/a>, talks about our penchant for wanting to become better by becoming different:<\/p>\n

\u201cEarly in the novitiate, I thought that being holy meant changing an essential part of who I was, suppressing my personality, not building on it. I was eradicating my natural desires and inclinations, rather than asking God to sanctify and even perfect them\u2026As strange as it sounds, I thought that being myself meant being someone else.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I think that same line of reasoning is true for most of us. We look around and make comparisons and see ourselves as \u201cless than.\u201d Comparisons lead nowhere, at least nowhere good, but that no-win proposition of keeping up with the Joneses\u2014materially, professionally, socially, spiritually\u2014is about as American as apple pie, or Facebook.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour life is shaped by the end you live for. You are made in the image of what you desire,\u201d famed Trappist monk Thomas Merton once wrote, reminding us that the only way to conquer the world is to renounce it.<\/p>\n

We can\u2019t all \u201crenounce\u201d the world in monastic fashion, but we can renounce all those things that pull us off our true path, that convince us we need to be somebody else in order to be good enough, to be loved.<\/p>\n

Truth is, we are loved exactly as we are, by a God who holds us in the palm of his hand no matter how many Facebook friends we have or how much \u201cstuff\u201d we have or have not accumulated.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one can serve two masters,\u201d Jesus said. So often today our \u201cmasters\u201d are not just money and possessions but the comparisons we make and strive to live up to, the desires we have to be someone we\u2019re not, the longing to be loved not by God but by the world.<\/p>\n

God alone. When that\u2019s enough, no memory can knock us off our path or send us reeling because we possess the only thing that truly matters. What is the end you\u2019re living for?<\/p>\n

To read other Life Lines columns, visit my website at<\/span> www.marydeturrispoust.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My latest Life Lines column in the current issue of Catholic New York: It amazes me sometimes how a casual comment, a familiar smell or the sound of a name […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[121],"tags":[210,204,101,168,47,71],"class_list":["post-131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-lines","tag-james-martin","tag-life","tag-life-lines","tag-merton","tag-spirituality","tag-true-self"],"yoast_head":"\nStriving to become your 'true self' – Not Strictly Spiritual<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Striving to become your 'true self' – Not Strictly Spiritual\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"My latest Life Lines column in the current issue of Catholic New York: It amazes me sometimes how a casual comment, a familiar smell or the sound of a name […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Not Strictly Spiritual\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pages\/Mary-DeTurris-Poust\/105157722861796\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-01-19T13:45:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-11-01T19:38:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/NSS-yoast-opengraph-img.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1200\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"675\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Mary\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@marydtp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@marydtp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Mary\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Mary\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#\/schema\/person\/98535137020dd532c92ce7cbb6d163f1\"},\"headline\":\"Striving to become your ‘true self’\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-01-19T13:45:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-11-01T19:38:13+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/\"},\"wordCount\":697,\"commentCount\":1,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"James Martin\",\"life\",\"Life Lines\",\"Merton\",\"spirituality\",\"true self\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Life Lines\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/\",\"name\":\"Striving to become your 'true self' – Not Strictly Spiritual\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2012-01-19T13:45:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-11-01T19:38:13+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Striving to become your ‘true self’\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/\",\"name\":\"Not Strictly Spiritual\",\"description\":\"Discovering the Divine in the Everyday.\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Not Strictly Spiritual\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/NotStrictlySpiritual-logo-web-1.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/NotStrictlySpiritual-logo-web-1.png\",\"width\":427,\"height\":244,\"caption\":\"Not Strictly Spiritual\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pages\/Mary-DeTurris-Poust\/105157722861796\",\"https:\/\/x.com\/marydtp\",\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/marydtp518\/\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#\/schema\/person\/98535137020dd532c92ce7cbb6d163f1\",\"name\":\"Mary\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Striving to become your 'true self' – Not Strictly Spiritual","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Striving to become your 'true self' – Not Strictly Spiritual","og_description":"My latest Life Lines column in the current issue of Catholic New York: It amazes me sometimes how a casual comment, a familiar smell or the sound of a name […]","og_url":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/","og_site_name":"Not Strictly Spiritual","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pages\/Mary-DeTurris-Poust\/105157722861796","article_published_time":"2012-01-19T13:45:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2022-11-01T19:38:13+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1200,"height":675,"url":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/NSS-yoast-opengraph-img.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Mary","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@marydtp","twitter_site":"@marydtp","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Mary","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/"},"author":{"name":"Mary","@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#\/schema\/person\/98535137020dd532c92ce7cbb6d163f1"},"headline":"Striving to become your ‘true self’","datePublished":"2012-01-19T13:45:00+00:00","dateModified":"2022-11-01T19:38:13+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/"},"wordCount":697,"commentCount":1,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#organization"},"keywords":["James Martin","life","Life Lines","Merton","spirituality","true self"],"articleSection":["Life Lines"],"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/","url":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/","name":"Striving to become your 'true self' – Not Strictly Spiritual","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2012-01-19T13:45:00+00:00","dateModified":"2022-11-01T19:38:13+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/life-lines\/striving-to-become-your-true-self\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Striving to become your ‘true self’"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/","name":"Not Strictly Spiritual","description":"Discovering the Divine in the Everyday.","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#organization","name":"Not Strictly Spiritual","url":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/NotStrictlySpiritual-logo-web-1.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/NotStrictlySpiritual-logo-web-1.png","width":427,"height":244,"caption":"Not Strictly Spiritual"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/pages\/Mary-DeTurris-Poust\/105157722861796","https:\/\/x.com\/marydtp","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/marydtp518\/"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/#\/schema\/person\/98535137020dd532c92ce7cbb6d163f1","name":"Mary"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=131"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}