{"id":4309,"date":"2014-09-29T07:44:09","date_gmt":"2014-09-29T11:44:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/?p=4309"},"modified":"2014-09-29T07:44:09","modified_gmt":"2014-09-29T11:44:09","slug":"marriage-hard-work-done-right","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/family\/marriage-hard-work-done-right\/","title":{"rendered":"Marriage: It’s hard work, if it’s done right"},"content":{"rendered":"

In honor of Sister Anne Bryan Smollin, CSJ, who died last week, I thought I would run this Life Lines column from last July. It was sparked by the marriage workshop she offered in the Albany Diocese. The column also ties in nicely with my chat this morning\u00a0on the Morning Air Show<\/a> on Relevant Radio<\/a>. I was talking about marriage and faith. At the end of this column is a link to a follow-up piece I wrote called\u00a0“Prescription for a Better Marriage: Start dating.”<\/p>\n

What Have You Done for Your Marriage Lately?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The days and months and years leading up to a wedding are often filled with romantic dinners and shared dreams, as couples spend long hours getting to know each other and planning for the \u201cbig day.\u201d But what we often forget is that the \u201cI do\u201d is not the culmination of all the hard work but the first step on a whole new journey, one that requires even more attention to detail.<\/p>\n

Maybe we\u2019re not picking out colors or arranging seating charts, but if we don\u2019t put some regular thought and planning and, yes, sharing of dreams and plans into our existing marriage\u2014whether we\u2019re marking two or 15 or 50 years\u2014things will slowly become a little muddled, a little less satisfying or maybe even outright unhappy.<\/p>\n

Most marriage \u201cexperts\u201d will tell you that \u201cdate nights\u201d should be sacrosanct, preferably weekly but at least monthly scheduled time together that is never dismissed or ignored. And by \u201cdate\u201d they don\u2019t mean a quick dinner out where you discuss financial problems, the kids\u2019 school issues, or that argument you had last week. They mean relaxing time to focus on you as a couple, even if it\u2019s just walking through the mall holding hands and talking. Maybe it seems a little silly, even a little selfish, but taking care of your couple-ness is the most important thing you can do for your kids.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll admit that Dennis and I have gone on dates fairly infrequently over the years, and we\u2019ve never been on a vacation or even a weekend getaway without our kids. Mostly that\u2019s been due to a lack of babysitters, but it\u2019s also been due to the mistaken notion that taking time away from our children makes us \u201cbad\u201d parents. Turns out the exact opposite is true. You know how flight attendants tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before you help your child in the event of a change in cabin pressure? Yeah, marriage is like that. If you don\u2019t take care of your marriage first, your family life will suffer.<\/p>\n

Just recently, Dennis and I decided to attend a workshop called \u201cStrengthening Your Relationship,\u201d which was sponsored by the Diocese of Albany and presented by Sister Anne Bryan Smollin, CSJ. The two-night, six-hour program was like a mini Marriage Encounter. Sitting side by side with about 15 other couples was a great opportunity to refocus on our communication skills, our differences and similarities, and all the ways we can build up what everyday life has a tendency to beat down.<\/p>\n

The stresses of work and parenting and life in general use up a lot of our energy. What\u2019s left for us as a couple? Not much, especially since we have no family living nearby and no one to spell us now and then. It\u2019s always been just the two of us trying to hold everything together, and while that\u2019s a great tribute to our strength as a couple, it\u2019s also problematic in that it can turn us more into business partners than loving couple.<\/p>\n

Whenever we take dedicated time to focus on our marriage, we are reminded of the many wonderful things that brought us together in the first place, the similar interests and sense of humor, the love of God and family that is so central to our relationship, the beautiful life we\u2019ve created for our children.<\/p>\n

Sister Anne\u00a0suggested that couples make their anniversary date special every month, not necessarily with a dinner out or an expensive gift but with a heart-to-heart conversation about where you are at that moment and where you\u2019re hoping to go next\u2014 together and individually. It\u2019s a great idea and an easy way to remember to turn your attention toward your spouse on a regular basis. And by using your wedding date as a springboard, you\u2019ll get to experience a little of that original joy and anticipation month after month, year after year, for as long as you both shall live.<\/p>\n

Do you want to read more on how to strengthen your marriage?<\/strong> Click HERE<\/a> to read “Prescription for a Better Marriage: Start dating.”<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In honor of Sister Anne Bryan Smollin, CSJ, who died last week, I thought I would run this Life Lines column from last July. 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