{"id":5821,"date":"2015-08-06T07:30:18","date_gmt":"2015-08-06T11:30:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/?p=5821"},"modified":"2015-08-06T07:30:18","modified_gmt":"2015-08-06T11:30:18","slug":"miscarriage-love-and-loss-17-years-later","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/family\/miscarriage-love-and-loss-17-years-later\/","title":{"rendered":"Miscarriage: Love and loss 17 years later"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>My annual post in remembrance of the baby I never got to meet:<\/em><\/p>\n<p>For the past few days I&#8217;ve been looking at the numbers on the calendar, growing more and more introspective as we inched closer to August 6. It was 17 years ago today that I learned the baby I was carrying, my second baby, had died 11 weeks into my pregnancy.<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>With a mother&#8217;s intuition, I had known something was wrong during that pregnancy from a couple of weeks before. The day Dennis and I &#8212; with Noah in tow &#8212; went to the midwife for my regular check up, I didn&#8217;t even take the little tape recorder with me to capture the sound of baby&#8217;s heartbeat, so convinced was I that I would hear only silence. I went back for the recorder only after Dennis insisted. But somehow I knew. Because when you are a mother sometimes you just know things about your children, even when there is no logical reason you should, even when they are still growing inside you.<\/p>\n<p>When we went for the ultrasound to confirm the miscarriage, we saw the perfect form of our baby up on the screen. I remember Dennis looking so happy, thinking everything was okay after all, and me pointing out that the heart was still. No blinking blip. No more life.<\/p>\n<p>With that same mother&#8217;s intuition, no matter how busy or stressed I am, no matter how many other things I seem to forget as I drive my other three children to and fro, I never forget this anniversary. It is imprinted on my heart. As the date nears, I feel a stillness settling in, a quiet place amid the chaos, a space reserved just for this baby, the one I never to got hold, the one I call Grace.<\/p>\n<p>In the past, I have talked about the ways Grace shaped our family by her absence rather than her presence, and that truth remains with me. I am very much aware of the fact that life would be very different had she lived. She managed to leave her mark on us, even without taking a breath. She lingers here, not only in my heart but around the edges of our lives &#8212; especially the lives of our two girls who followed her. I know them because I did not know Grace. What a sorrowful and yet beautiful impact she had on us.<\/p>\n<p>So thank you, baby, for all that you were and all that you have given us without ever setting foot on this earth. The power of one small life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My annual post in remembrance of the baby I never got to meet: For the past few days I&#8217;ve been looking at the numbers on the calendar, growing more and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2723,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[30,104],"tags":[200,4,175,42,103,523,524,202,525],"class_list":["post-5821","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family","category-grief","tag-babies","tag-children","tag-death","tag-family","tag-grief","tag-loss","tag-m","tag-miscarriage","tag-sorrow"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Miscarriage: Love and loss 17 years 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