{"id":6711,"date":"2018-01-16T14:32:23","date_gmt":"2018-01-16T19:32:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/?p=6711"},"modified":"2018-01-16T14:32:23","modified_gmt":"2018-01-16T19:32:23","slug":"mirror-mirror-discovering-true-self-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/notstrictlyspiritual.com\/cravings\/mirror-mirror-discovering-true-self-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Mirror, mirror: discovering your true self"},"content":{"rendered":"

Week three. Time is flying! How are things on your end? Here\u2019s the weekly update:<\/p>\n

It was a SUPER stressful week, especially the weekend. To be completely honest with you, I\u2019m in a terrible place right now, mentally and spiritually. Things have not gone as planned. Famous last words. So why does that still catch me by surprise and throw me off course? That\u2019s the million-dollar question for me. And I\u2019ll tell you right now, when things don\u2019t go well and when things get stressful, I turn up the heat on myself. I pull out my worst \u201ctape,\u201d push my internal \u201cplay\u201d button and let it rip. It\u2019s not pretty or healthy, and it certainly doesn\u2019t take me where I want or need to go, but it\u2019s comfortable and familiar, the road most travelled, and so I take it. Even when I know I\u2019ll regret it later, even when I know it\u2019s likely to lead me to other unhealthy decisions \u2014 like eating the wrong food or staying up too late or skipping prayer time. This is why I\u2019m head cheerleader for the tribe, because I have endless experience with this struggle. I\u2019ll tell you this, however: Although I often feel history repeating itself in my life, the time I\u2019ve spent working on my habits, journaling, and becoming more mindful have made me more aware. Even when I\u2019m not following the Cravings \u201crules,\u201d I\u2019m well aware of where things have gone off track and how I might pull it back. The trick is getting from awareness to action.<\/p>\n

This week, as we delve into chapter 3, we\u2019re going to be focusing a lot on those tapes we tend to play, the words we say in our head, or maybe even out loud as we stand before the mirror. I always say that if I loved my neighbor as myself, it would be very bad news for my neighbor! I say things to myself, about myself that I would never say to or about anyone I cared about, or even about a total stranger. Why do we do that? Why is that comfortable? And how can we begin to backtrack to the place where those thoughts were created so we can dig them up, toss them out once and for all, and replace them with something that will lift us up rather than tear us down?<\/p>\n

In chapter 3, I talk about the two sides of this, the fact that sometimes I am ever-so-grateful for my physical health, my material comfort, and the many blessings I have had over the course of a very privileged lifetime, one not without traumatic and devastating losses and crises, to be sure, but overwhelmingly blessed. And then there is the shadow side, the times when I look at myself, not just physically but on every level, and see nothing, absolute failure, zero, worthlessness. Unfortunately, I spend an inordinate amount of time on the shadow side, where my faults and flaws are magnified as in a fun house mirror and any potential reminders of anything good are drowned out by the drumbeat of self-loathing. It\u2019s not pleasant, that\u2019s for sure, but since I was a little girl, it\u2019s been home for me, the place with which I am most familiar, the persona that feels most comfortable: failure, reject, misfit, lost soul. And that\u2019s where I am today. \u00a0I say all of this in hopes that anyone else out there in this tribe (or lurking anonymously around the fringes) who has ever felt like this will feel less alone. We all have shadow sides; some of us just mask them better or are more adept at shifting the perspective from half-empty to half-full. What is your perspective today? Are you being unnecessarily hard on yourself for one reason or another? Are you working through the exercises and feeling positive progress? I hope it\u2019s the latter, but don\u2019t be dismayed if it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n

From chapter 3:<\/p>\n

\u201cIt comes down to reprogramming ourselves, in a sense. We have to find a way to erase the negative tape that\u2019s on continuous loop in our heads and replace it with something more positive, more realistic, more truthful. If we don\u2019t change the mantra of self-loathing, our feelings of inadequacy will continue to lead us deeper into bad diet plans, dangerous eating disorders, and a warped perspective that colors not just our eating habits but every aspect of our lives.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So how do we do that? If I wrote the book on it and still struggle with it, can we ever really change the tape? Yes. But it takes daily work. If you started jogging and worked up to a 5K run and then stopped your training, do you think you\u2019d be able to do that same 5K three years later with no renewed training? Not likely, or, if you did, you\u2019d probably be hobbling along by the end. This is about incremental but daily, constant awareness and transformation. I\u2019ll give you a critical starting point: gratitude. Counting our blessings daily \u2014 even the little things that seem silly but make us happy \u2014 makes a difference in our perspective on life. When we don\u2019t actively give thanks for the good in our lives, we tend to train our eyes on the bad.<\/p>\n

More from chapter 3:<\/p>\n

\u201cOur focus on the seeming lack in our lives seeps into our relationships at home and at work, our commitment to our community and our larger world, and our devotion to our prayer lives and journeys toward God. It\u2019s hard to move forward if we are glued to an image or a number. We imagine we\u2019ll take the next step once we reach a certain weight or size, but we keep getting stuck, or at the other end, moving the goal posts. The result is a constant unhappiness and unrest that prevents us from becoming who we are called to be: disciples willing to trust, risk, grow, and love.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So, gratitude\u2026Have you ever used a gratitude journal? If not, give it a try. Each day write down three things you were grateful for that day. It can be something monumental, like getting a new job, but it can also be something simple and sweet, like having your cat sit on your lap as you relax before a roaring fire or the smell of coffee brewing on a quiet weekend morning. If you\u2019d like to read more about gratitude, click HERE<\/a> for a feature story I wrote on this topic for OSV Newsweekly a while back.<\/p>\n

Also, if you\u2019re not on social media, click HERE<\/a> for a post I shared during the week about allowing yourself to thoroughly enjoy one of your \u201cforbidden foods,\u201d eating with attention and intention.<\/p>\n

And HERE<\/a> is one of my previous Life Lines columns on discovering our true self, in case that\u2019s something you\u2019d like to explore further.<\/p>\n

The song I’d like to give you for this week has no video to go along with it yet, but I’ll post it just the same: Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken by P!NK, one of my all-time favorite artists.<\/p>\n

https:\/\/youtu.be\/rW7mBs8_9SU<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Week three. Time is flying! How are things on your end? Here\u2019s the weekly update: It was a SUPER stressful week, especially the weekend. 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